


i found god, i found him in a lover

by orphan_account



Series: hymns [1]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: M/M, Prose Poem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2015-09-10
Packaged: 2018-04-20 00:42:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4767110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>In this version of the story, this version where I rip out the bad pages, the pages I don't like, the pages that you shouldn't read just yet, I have a body, and you are pinning my body into the bed. </i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Why?"</p><p>   <i>Because I love you, and you love me, and when we touch, we are living in that world where no one dies. </i></p><p> </p><p>"It's not that simple."</p>
            </blockquote>





	i found god, i found him in a lover

_Are you lonely? Are you alone? Do you want_

_something to hold? I can build something for you. A sailboat, a machine. I can build us a world with no graveyards, I can build us a world where_

_no one ever dies and we all live forever. Wouldn't that be nice? Don't look back, now - you're having another nightmare, and in this nightmare I am_

 

_tearing you apart. Don't listen to it. Don't listen to the whispers. I can build something for you. I can bring your brother back. You talk about your family in past tense. You have a life here. Don't listen to the whispers. Listen to me._

 

"What about the monsters in the trees? I never said they were monsters."

 

_I know you didn't, but I also know that you've loved me since the moment we met. Isn't that right? We can live in the world where no one dies. We can live in the world where I am human, and we can be together. Isn't that right? Your fingers keep breaking. Your fingers keep turning into stone and crumbling._

 

_I am not_

_waiting for this town to burn. Here we are, in a room with no exits. Find a way out of the room. I know you can, and in this version of our story, I might not leave you behind,_

 

_in this version of the story, this version where I rip out the bad pages, the pages I don't like, the pages that you shouldn't read just yet, I have a body, and you are pinning my body into the bed._

 

"Why?"

 

_Because I love you, and you love me, and when we touch, we are living in that_

_world where no one dies._

"It's not that simple."

 

_Why not?_

 

* * *

 

 

You wake up. The dream flickers away.

 

_Name's Bill, and you're Stanford Pines, the man who changed the world!_

 

 

You remember playing chess with him and drinking tea, and in your version of the story you are  _not_ in love with something 

 

better, more holy, more pure, than you could ever hope to be, but. In your version of the story, the book doesn't end.

 

Not really.

 

The pages go on forever, and the doors inside your mind go on forever. Behind each one is a bed. Behind each one is a dream, and you dream about beds. You dream about him inside of sheets, breathing, and  _human._

 

Being human, he says, is not always a good thing.

 

You, he says,  _are better than that. You're not human._

 

_You're a genius._

 

 _Do you really think I'm a genius,_ you ask, and he laughs.  _Why do you always ask me that question? You know the answer to that. You're Stanford Pines, the man who changed the world!_

 

"I know that, but -"

 

_I can show you._

 

* * *

 

 

 _Worship, worship, worship,_ he says.  _Pick up the knife._

 

"What if I don't want to?"

 

_Look at it this way - you're helping me. Don't you want to help me? Don't you want to increase my power? We all have our stories, and this is mine. I need you to do this, just like I need you_

 

_to fuck me, just like I need you_

_to help me. I can build something for you. I want to live in that world. Build something for me, build me a way_

_to stop the pain. I chose you. You're a genius._

 

_Pick up the knife._

 

The knife is heavy in your hand. "What do I do with it?"

 

_Carve me into your skin. Don't worry about the pain._

 

* * *

 

 

_Looks like Mr. Brainiac finally got smart!_

 

"You  _lied_ to me!"

 

_I lied to you. That world_

 

_will never exist. Everyone dies, and we all go to heaven - or hell, I always get the two mixed up. I wish I could say I'm sorry, but I'm not and I wish I could say that I_

 

_felt something for you, but I'm above that, in the same way that you were always above everyone else. That_

_shouldn't matter. I am still in the dark, putting my hands on you. You are still letting me. You are making me beg for it. You are telling me that you're going to stop me,_

 

_and you said until the end of time, you said you loved me, and things like that_

 

_never change, do they? I never stopped loving you, and you never stopped loving me and we're all just waiting for something interesting to happen._

 

_A deal's a deal._

 

_Are you lonely? Are you alone?_

 

"I am now."

 

* * *

 

 

 

_Well, well, well... aren't you a sight for sore eye?_

 

He is putting his arm around you, and the story hasn't ended yet. This is a story that goes on forever, like you said. You dream about beds. You dream about

 

loving him again. Do you love him? Instinctively, no. You shouldn't.

 

But. _Things like that never change, do they?_

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from Halsey's "Coming Down," and the formatting is inspired by Richard Siken's "Unfinished Duet."
> 
> Also, I don't know what this is! Sorry. This is horrible, lmao.


End file.
